‘Who f**king cares?’ is the question you’re not asking yourself. And it’s why your copy stinks.
I got a call from one of my biggest clients. They wanted me to write a blog post about their latest acquisition.
“Does it change any of your products or services?” I asked. No, they said, no changes there.
“Will the extra staff reduce wait times?” No, we suspect they’ll be the same.
“So why does the customer care?” They probably don’t.
“Oh, this for shareholders and investors?” No, we’ve already updated our materials for them.
At this point, I was baffled. “So who am I writing this for?” The CEO. He’s very proud.
“So we’re investing time and money into content with no relevance to the audience (that might even squander their goodwill) just to fuel his ego?” Um. Yes.
Welcome to the fatal mistake of not asking yourself “who f**king cares?”
WOTCHA WRITIN’ FOR?
“We’ve developed a revolutionary new product.” Who f**king cares?
“We’ve won a prestigious award.” Who f**king cares?
“We’ve bought/been bought by/merged with/done a secret handshake deal (no backsies) with another company.” Who. F**king. Cares?
‘Who f**king cares?’ is the question you’re not asking yourself. And it’s why your copy stinks.
Everything you write should be for the reader. Everything you write should make them intrigued, excited, eager to read more and maybe even reach for their credit card.
But if you fill your copy with statements that create apathy, disinterest, even confusion. No-one’s reaching for anything.
“Who f**king cares?” is your litmus test for good copy. Every time you write something, you should put yourself in your prospect’s shoes (because you are not your customer) and ask “who f**king cares?”
And if you can’t say “me” while wearing your prospect’s comfy loafers, that sentence needs some work.
The good news is that, most of the time, that work is simply about reframing the statement.
DO A BETTER JOB OF FRAMING
“We’re the market leader in loafer refits.” Who f**king cares?
You might think the prospect cares about this very much. After all, working with the market leader is better than working with someone working out of their shed with no care team to support questions and solve problems, no shipping infrastructure to ensure deliveries arrive quickly and securely, no accreditations to demonstrate regulatory compliance.
But it’s not your status as “market leader” the customer cares about. It’s all the things you just listed.
So that’s what you need to say.
“When you need your loafer refitted, you need certainty. The certainty that comes from a 24/7 customer care team to answer your questions. The certainty that comes from a global shipping infrastructure to bring you 48-hour delivery. And all the accreditations that show we comply with every loafer-related regulations (and a few more, besides.)”
More words, but more relevant words. Because when the prospect asks themselves, “who f**king cares?” they’ll answer, “Oh. I do.”
EXAMPLES PART DEUX
Take another look at those (albeit tongue-in-cheek) examples I listed earlier.
“We’ve developed a revolutionary new product.” Who f**king cares? It’s a statement that means nothing. What it does differently or, even better, how it will improve your prospect’s life? That’s the stuff they care about.
“We’ve won a prestigious award.” Who f**king cares? Your prospect doesn’t give a monkey’s about a new shiny prop on your shelf. Unless it demonstrates a spectacular level of customer service they can benefit from or industry expertise that means your product won’t break down? If so, write about that.
“We’ve bought/been bought by/merged with/done a secret handshake deal (no backsies) with another company.” Who. F**king. Cares? Well, if it means you now offer a new product they want, or you can now reduce waiting times for your customer care team, or you can now deliver your product or service faster or better? That’s something they care about.
WE VS YOU
Spotted a common theme amongst those examples? They all started with “we”. That’s because “who f**king cares?” is most often triggered by we-statements (“we’re the market leader”) as opposed to you-statements (“you’ll love our same-day delivery service”).
But “who f***king cares” isn’t limited to the we vs you problem. It’s still possible to engender disinterest if by poorly positioning your statement. Same-day delivery can sound dull if you don’t sell it right!
In this case, you want to set up the problem (“Tired of waiting weeks for your deliveries?”) before setting up the solution (“You’ll love our same-day delivery service.”)
THINK HOW THEY THINK
As ever, the secret is to keep putting yourself in your prospect’s shoes (just make sure they’re not still wearing them). Once you’re thinking the way they think, you can anticipate their reactions to the copy you’re writing. And you can make sure that, if they ever ask themselves “who f**king cares?” that they’ll answer, “Me. I really care about this copy.”
Right before they reach for their credit card.
And if you want your prospects reading things they care about and reaching for that credit card, sounds like you want your copy, righter.
